I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
