I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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