who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well you can't waste a boner
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
