To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
