she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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