seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
