just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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