2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
