lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
