i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
