I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Im part way to drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize