There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
