Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So much Jack, so little girl.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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