so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
