quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
