why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
