people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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