ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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