He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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