My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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