What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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