This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
