Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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