Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
