He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
