You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
