I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
