she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
