i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Im part way to drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
