my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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