My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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