meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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