I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
