Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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