so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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