you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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