And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
