I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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