They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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