I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
