I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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