The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
