I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
