I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
