Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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