I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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