If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
