ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize