it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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