I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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