it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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