how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
