I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize