Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
