I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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