So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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