he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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