Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
