i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
