This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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