My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
