it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
