what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize