No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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