hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
smell my finger.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
