but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
